Should I Stay or Should I Go??

I've been thinking about this one a lot the past few weeks. Come back to UVU in the fall or go back to UMaine. Its a really hard decision for me to make. I'm not really fond of Utah, some people I have met, I have grown to love in a short period of time, but others have ruined the experience for me. It rains to much and being in the valley makes me feel like the walls are closing in on me. As I sit here not being able to sleep and church coming up in a few hours I think about the people I will see and how if I didn't come back I would miss them dearly. The Bosco family for one, they have felt like a second family. Welcoming me into their home with open arms, always willing to help or be there to talk to. Then Saramarie, the past few weeks hanging out with her and the guys has been a blast. I feel like I can talk to her so easily and she is contagious with laughter. My roommate Renee, who always seems to understand what I am going through, with our "I hate Utah days" sitting in the living room talking about life before Utah, and our dislike for other certain people. Then there is the most important person, Nic. I couldn't imagine being cross country from him, not seeing him when I pleased, driving across Utah visiting temples, talking for hours about everything important in our lives, yet nothing at all. Every great memory I have here has to do with him. He is my best friend, he knows everything about me, my good days and bad days yet still loves me anyway. But then there is home.. I miss UMaine, my friends that I'm still close with from high school, and college. I miss cheering how it made me feel, the excitement from competing, and the great shape I was in. Since I stopped cheering my body and motivation to stay fit have disappeared as well. Now I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself from the waste down. Its embarrassing too others might not notice but I sure do. And the only way I know how to get into shape is tumbling, jumping, stunting, and being forced to condition. And I'm also a momma and daddy's girl. The baby of the family, my moms only child. I've never been away for too long. And I am homesick. I miss my mom more then anything, she is one of my best friends. I can talk to her about anything, she always listens to me rant and rave about stupid things and she seems to be one of the only ones who can talk me out of the worst moods. Things aren't going too good at home and heaven forbid something happening I don't know if I could forgive myself if something took a turn for the worse and I wasn't there. MS has always been a big part of my life, my grandmother died from complications when I was very young, my Aunt C my senior year of high school. And my other Aunt, my Uncle Steve and my sister Amy have all been diagnosed with it. Only 2 more of my Grandfathers kids are left undiagnosed and the signs aren't looking so good for them. And who knows about the rest of us grandkids! I remember very little from my Aunt and Grandmother but they were weak and frail, on bed rest not what they had been before (or so I'm told). I couldn't imagine seeing a family member go through that. Since high school I wanted to get out of Maine, I hated the country the people who had never left the state, the waco's that lived there. No good shopping or restaurants, having to drive an hour to a decent mall, and if you needed something nice 3 hours to Boston. I hated living in the woods, the camp ground, the horrible dirt road that was a mud pit in the spring. When I left last year for Texas I couldn't of been happier I wanted out and to never go back. I only wanted to visit never have to deal with small town drama and the people I had grown up with. I was ready for new adventures, new friends and experiences I couldn't get in small town New England. And when I came to Utah I felt the same way. Now all I want is to drive down my dirt road to my house, spend the afternoon with my mom, sitting out back with my dad, see my high school friends, cheer in the freezing Alfond Arena. But how do I give up what I have started here? Yet how do I stay so far from my parents when they need me and I need them the most? Way too much to handle at 20 and finals coming up....